


Coward

by srm628



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, I like to imagine he did more than he said, Other, and i love him, coward - Freeform, fixed canon, zach is a sweetie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 21:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14756988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/srm628/pseuds/srm628
Summary: Zach Dempsey is a coward. He tried to help, but just couldn’t bring himself to do more.





	Coward

Zach Dempsey sat in his room, staring down at the piece of paper in his hand. He had read it dozens of times now, even though he had only gotten it this morning. He hurt Hannah Baker.

 

He hadn't meant to, not really. He was hurt by her rejection. Well, not her rejection, but by the way she saw him. She assumed he was just into her because she was easy, because he wanted sex. She assumed he was just like his friends.

 

After this, maybe he was. He hurt an innocent girl because his pride was hurt. He hadn't considered the impact of his actions.

 

"Fuck," Zach swore quietly, dropping his head back. He looked at his ceiling for just a moment before closing his eyes.

 

He needed to do something, something to make it up to Hannah.

 

"Those notes meant something to me."

 

He could write her notes. If they were so important, maybe he should give her some. It wouldn't make up for the ones he had stolen, of course, but it would help.

 

He stood up from his bed and went to his desk. He pulled out a piece of paper and began writing carefully. He wrote a letter back. He explained that he was sorry, that he didn't know how important they were to her.

 

Looking over the letter, he sighed and crumbled it up. It wasn't good enough.

 

Suddenly, the little bunnies entered his mind. Someone had been drawing bunnies and giving them to Hannah.

 

Could he try to draw something? Some little cartoon with a compliment? Would that even help?

 

Zach decided he had to try. He wouldn't sign it. That made it seem like he was trying to prove something. They'd be anonymous. Hopefully just something to make her day better.

 

He began doodling. After a few minutes, he crumpled up the page and tried again. And again.

 

Drawing wasn't something he was great at. Sure, he was necessarily bad, but he wasn't good either. He had never really practiced. His time was spent in athletics, working out and practicing for basketball or baseball. Besides, his friends would never let him hear the end of it if they knew he was sat here drawing.

 

Zach glanced at the time after throwing away yet another drawing. He had to watch May in a few hours. Until then though...

 

He pulled out his laptop and turned it on. After it loaded, he looked up a drawing tutorial. He spent his time practicing picture after picture. When he finished one, he would examine it and decide it wasn't good enough then throw it away and start over.

 

A knock on his door caused him to stop. He looked at the time. His mom was leaving soon, if she hadn't left already.

 

"Shit," He mumbled quietly. He looked to his notebook, which was now covered in silly little animals. He had eventually given up on throwing away every drawing and rather just continuously practiced on the same page. "Uh, hang on!"

 

The door opened anyway. He glanced quickly as he tried to cover his notebook. His little sister May walked in.

 

"Mom left. She told me to come get you." May looked at the notebook that Zach was trying to hide. "What were you working on?"

 

"Nothing," Zach answered quickly. "Just homework."

 

She turned her attention to the computer screen. Zach realized a moment too late he had forgotten to shut his computer off or even close the tabs he had up.

 

"Were you learning to draw?" May asked excitedly. "Can you teach me?"

 

Zach looked to his younger sister. He never understood why she thought he was so amazing. Obviously, he wasn't.

 

"Yeah," Zach said finally. "Let's learn together."

 

He packed up his laptop and notebook. He found an extra notebook lying around and found some pencils and coloring pencils. The two went downstairs to the kitchen table and began working.

 

May quickly became better than Zach. She was a natural. Excitedly, she showed off her drawing. Zach told her the truth. It was amazing and better than anything he had done.

 

"That's not true," May said with a giggle. "Look at that one." She pointed to his attempt to draw a pig (and animal he quickly realized was a bad thing to draw for someone). "He's cute."

 

"You want him?" Zach asked.

 

"Can I?"

 

"Yeah, sure."

 

Zach ripped off the drawing out of his notebook and handed it to May.

 

"No," She said, laughing. She pushed it back to Zach as he looked at her curiously. "You need to sign it! Like a true artist."

 

Zach rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile. He took the page back, and using a pen he had brought with him, he signed his name at the bottom of the page.

 

"There, now you can't erase it."

 

May giggled. "Thank you, thank you."

 

Zach looked at the time on the clock against the wall. It was nearing 10 o'clock. He hadn't realized so much time had passed.

 

"Time for you to go to bed," Zach stated, turning back to May.

 

"Okay." She had just finished signing her name on the bottom of her drawing, and she pushed it in front of him. "This one is for you."

 

"Thanks. I'll frame it and everything." He grinned as May jokingly hit him.

 

"Don't be a jerk."

 

She wandered upstairs to get ready for bed. 

 

"I'll come check on you in a bit!" Zach screamed after her.

 

He turned back to the table and began cleaning up. He still hadn't found a drawing he liked enough to give to Hannah.

 

May's drawing seemed to be screaming at him. She had drawn an adorable little bear. It looked like a teddy bear. It was better than everything he had tried and wasn't offensive.

 

He walked around the house, checking to make sure all the doors and windows were locked. Once he was sure it was okay, he took his stuff upstairs and put it in his room. He walked to May's room, just as she was getting into bed.

 

"You good?" He asked.

 

"Yeah, good night."

 

"Good night." Zach flipped off the light and started out of the room. He paused for just a moment. He turned around. "Hey May?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

She peaked out from her blankets to look at the area of light Zach was standing in.

 

"Would it be okay if I traced your bear? Maybe put him on some of my notebooks or something?"

 

She sat up. The light from the hallway flooded into the room enough for Zach to see her facial expression. A wide grin spread across her face.

 

"You like it that much?" She asked. "Really?"

 

"Yeah, of course. I told you I did."

 

She nodded. "Yeah. You can trace it if you want."

 

"Thanks. Good night."

 

Zach turned around and started out of the room. As he shut the door, he heard May call out "Good night."

 

He wandered back into his room. He did as he promised, tracing the bear into his notebook. He chose a notebook his friends wouldn't see. The guys would never let him live down the bear in his notebook.

 

After finishing the notebook drawing, Zach pulled out another piece of paper. He carefully traced the bear. After he finished, he drew a little speech bubble coming from the bear's mouth. In careful handwriting that looked nothing like his own, he wrote Hannah a compliment.

 

You're beautiful.

 

He stared at his own words for a moment. He wished he could tell Hannah what he thought of her, but she made it obvious she wasn't interested.

 

Sighing, Zach collected all of his things. He shoved them into his backpack. He was careful not to ruin the drawing. Afterwards, he got ready for bed himself.

 

The next morning, he found himself constantly jittering. He just couldn't sit still. His mom thanked him from looking after May.

 

"You're a good kid," His mother said for like the billionth time.

 

"Thanks mom." He glanced at the time. "I got to go."

 

He ran out of the house, saying goodbye. He climbed into his car and drove to Bryce's house. He imagined that Justin would already be there. He usually was.

 

Zach barely stopped the car when Justin came out.

 

"Is Bryce coming?" Zach asked.

 

"He said he'd be late today," Justin answered, sounding annoyed about something. "Can we go?"

 

"Yeah, sure."

 

After picking up two of their other friends, they made it to school. The guys walked to each other's lockers before meeting up again.

 

"Oh, I forgot, I have to do a thing before 1st," Zach stated, starting to turn around.

 

"What's up, man?" Montgomery questioned as Zach started to walk away.

 

"Just need to turn in a paper. Don't worry about it! I'll catch up with you later."

 

With that, Zach walked away. He snuck into Mrs. Bradley's classroom. After ensuring no one was around, Zach slipped the picture into her bag. He quickly left the room before he got caught. 

 

Zach impatiently waited for his communications class. It wasn't until communications that Hannah would see the note. He realized it was silly, silly that he was so excited for her to see it.

 

"Who's the girl, Zachy?" Bryce asked at lunch.

 

"What?" Zach snapped his attention to his friends. "What are you talking about?"

 

"Please, you've been on cloud 9 all day." Bryce leaned in closer to Zach. "Come on, brother, you can tell me."

 

"It's no one," Zach insisted. "I just didn't sleep well, so I'm tired."

 

"Fine, don't tell us." A smirk was placed on Bryce's face as he pulled back. "I'm sure she is hot as hell though, am I right?"

 

Zach ignored Bryce. He glanced over at Hannah, who was sitting alone. For a brief moment, Zach considered standing up and walking over to Hannah. He considered sitting next to her, like he did the night at the diner. He didn't though. He knew that idea was outrageous. So he stayed at his table, sitting by his friends.

 

Communications class finally came. He waited until after everyone left. He lingered in the doorway while Hannah checked her mailbag. She pulled out two slices of paper. A smile grew on her face. He quickly walked out before Hannah turned around.

 

For days after that, he traced May's bear and included some sort of compliment.

 

One day in communications, Mrs. Bradley read a note about someone wanting to commit suicide. Zach immediately glanced over to Hannah. Would she really go that far?

 

The note was the buzz of the school for the rest of the day.

 

That evening, Zach went to Bryce's with the guys. They were in the pool, playing around.

 

"What's wrong, Zach?" Justin asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

 

Zach looked up to find the guys staring at him. The earlier noise had completely silenced.

 

"Uh, nothing," Zach said. He splashed the water slightly, hoping to appear normal.

 

"Come on, brother, you can talk to us," Bryce said. He kneeled down on the cement before dropping his legs into the pool. He kicked the water slightly. "You know you can trust us, right, man?"

 

"Yeah, yeah, of course." Zach smacked the water again. "I was just thinking about that note that Mrs. Bradley read it."

 

"What about it?" Bryce looked at Zach curiously. Zach couldn't tell if he was genuinely concerned or not.

 

"I think Hannah did."

 

Zach sank down into the water as his friends stared him unsurely.

 

"What makes you think that?"

 

"Even if she did, you know she is batshit crazy."

 

"She just wants attention."

 

Bryce jumped down in the water and moved closer to Zach. He gently smacked Zach's arm, in what was probably supposed to be an affectionate way.

 

"Don't worry about it, man. The note was anonymous, and besides, you said Mrs. Bradley gave a bunch of resources. Whoever it was, Hannah or whatever, can get the help they need."

 

"Yeah, yeah, you're right."

 

With that, it was forced out of Zach's mind. He was concerned about it, of course, but he couldn't let his friends know that. They wouldn't understand anyway.

 

 

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * 

 

Hannah is dead now. The tapes proved she wrote the note. She never mentioned anything about the drawings, or the fact Zach stopped.

 

He was testifying today, proving that Hannah got bullied, that he was apart of that bullying.

 

He tried to make it up to her. He started giving her compliments. He knew she wrote the note and brought it up to his friends. He tried and was shut down.

 

No, no. Zach shook his head.

 

He couldn't blame anyone else. This was his fault, and his fault alone. He could have done more. He could have said something to Mrs. Bradley or to Mr. Porter or even to their coach. He could've reached out to some adult at the school, but he didn't.

 

Zach tried to do everything himself, tried not to involve anybody else. He tried not to let anybody know about his involvement in it.

 

Because he was a coward.

 

Zach Dempsey knew that now. Throughout everything, he was a coward. How he felt about Hannah, how he truly felt, didn't matter. Because he would never act on it, not with the guys constantly down his back.

 

He failed Hannah, a fact she made perfectly obvious. All his little actions didn't matter. They barely made a different. They maybe prolonged her life, but not long.

 

Maybe he could have done more if he wasn't sure a coward.


End file.
